Parent Training
Today's parents need a little training in how to be parents, even among Christian families, we see the parents who are ruled, "trained" by children. Today at church, a sixth grader wore flip-flops, and her grandfather said, "Aren't your feet cold?" (We live in Arizona, but this morning it was a cold 34 degrees) Before the little girl could answer her mother chimed in and said, "She won't buy shoes!" I was dumbfounded. When I was sixth grade, my mother didn't ask us if we wanted to buy shoes, we bought shoes, and usually the ones she thought best for our feet.
As a homeschooling mom who home schooled all of my children from kindergarten through high school, I often get calls from parents needing information about how to go about the process, where to purchase curriculum, and other types of information. A few months ago, I received one such call from a mom who didn't know when to start her child reading. I said about the time they go to kindergarten. Seemed logical, right? This mom had children who were as old as 10 and, she said, "They are boys and just not interested in reading. I thought I would wait until they developed an interest. What do you think?"
"Well," I said, "One of my sons didn't want to read either, but when he turned 5, I told him, he was going to start school, and he was going to learn to read, and he did."
"But," she replied a little dumbfounded, "He's a boy, and boys just have to be boys."
"Boys need discipline, just like girls. Whoever heard anyone say, girls will be girls?"
I then encouraged her to begin teaching phonics and I told her how to go about doing it. Whether she did or not I have no way of knowing.
Even on commercials parents tremble in fear of their children. Commercials they say are reflections of everyday life so that the viewers can relate. One commerical I saw told a sad state we are facing. There is one where a mom and dad are enjoying their grown up breakfast cereal, and they say something like it tasted just like Junior's cereal. Ah, then they remember they forgot to buy Junior's cereal. Whatever will they do? They act afraid and when junior comes out of his room, they hide the part of their cereal that has the word fiber in it, and tell junior it is something else. He tastes it, claims it as good, and they parents sigh in relief. I despise that commercial. My mother fixed our breakfasts and we ate what was prepared. On our birthday's we got to pick our favorite foods, but our parents ran the show, and they were pretty good at their jobs.
Today parents abdicate their roles. They want to be their children's best friend from the get-go. Friendship with our parents takes time to develop. My mother was my best friend, but not when I was a teenager. When I was teen, she was my mom, and I am glad she was, because I would have gotten myself in a lot of trouble had she not been my Mother who sent the boundaries and the rules. About the time I got into college, we had developed a trust and a bond of friendship. I could trust her that she would not fail me. We could go out shopping and have coffee and laugh, and yes, give me advice, but I knew that I could trust that advice, because she had proved herself trustworthy. Friendship takes time to develop. Children need parents, mom and dads, who are not afraid to be parents who will set the rules, give boundaries that expand as we grow, and who guide us and teach us how to make wise decisions. They have plenty of friends, they need parents.
Parenting is time consuming and very draining, but also very rewarding in the end. I count my grown children as friends. We go out for coffee, fellowship, share our lives and dreams, we can vent our frustrations and we grow. It's beautiful, but it didn't happen over night. It took years.
I remember one day when I was almost seventeen, I had a difficult decision to make. I went to my parents and they gave me some guidelines whereby I could make a decision. They told me some things that I might want to take into consideration, and they left me to make my decision. I remember saying before they left my bedroom, "But aren't you going to tell me what to do?" They smiled and said, "No, we trust you."
I pondered for a long time about what I should do. I made my choice, made the phone call, and then told my parents what I had done. Daddy said that he whatever I had done would have been fine. Mama, said, "I think you made a wise choice. What do you say we go out for lunch, and talk about it?" I felt so grown-up, and it was the beginning of a long,loving friendship with my mother. Was it at times rocky? Yes, but aren't true friendships that way, ups and downs? It took a long time for my parents to forge a friendship with their children, because they had to be our parents first.
I fear for this generation. When out shopping last Saturday, I heard a child not more than 7 say to his mom, "Now you go up and buy me that book. It's the one with the stuffed dog with it, and then you can go get your coffee." Her response, "Yes, dear." Her friend said, "Are you going to really do it?"
"Yes," said the weary mother, "if I don't he'll have a temper tantrum, and I can't deal with that."
wif you, mommy." He never threw another tantrum in the store again.
Parenting takes patience and maybe a training course wouldn't hurt either.
As a homeschooling mom who home schooled all of my children from kindergarten through high school, I often get calls from parents needing information about how to go about the process, where to purchase curriculum, and other types of information. A few months ago, I received one such call from a mom who didn't know when to start her child reading. I said about the time they go to kindergarten. Seemed logical, right? This mom had children who were as old as 10 and, she said, "They are boys and just not interested in reading. I thought I would wait until they developed an interest. What do you think?"
"Well," I said, "One of my sons didn't want to read either, but when he turned 5, I told him, he was going to start school, and he was going to learn to read, and he did."
"But," she replied a little dumbfounded, "He's a boy, and boys just have to be boys."
"Boys need discipline, just like girls. Whoever heard anyone say, girls will be girls?"
I then encouraged her to begin teaching phonics and I told her how to go about doing it. Whether she did or not I have no way of knowing.
Even on commercials parents tremble in fear of their children. Commercials they say are reflections of everyday life so that the viewers can relate. One commerical I saw told a sad state we are facing. There is one where a mom and dad are enjoying their grown up breakfast cereal, and they say something like it tasted just like Junior's cereal. Ah, then they remember they forgot to buy Junior's cereal. Whatever will they do? They act afraid and when junior comes out of his room, they hide the part of their cereal that has the word fiber in it, and tell junior it is something else. He tastes it, claims it as good, and they parents sigh in relief. I despise that commercial. My mother fixed our breakfasts and we ate what was prepared. On our birthday's we got to pick our favorite foods, but our parents ran the show, and they were pretty good at their jobs.
Today parents abdicate their roles. They want to be their children's best friend from the get-go. Friendship with our parents takes time to develop. My mother was my best friend, but not when I was a teenager. When I was teen, she was my mom, and I am glad she was, because I would have gotten myself in a lot of trouble had she not been my Mother who sent the boundaries and the rules. About the time I got into college, we had developed a trust and a bond of friendship. I could trust her that she would not fail me. We could go out shopping and have coffee and laugh, and yes, give me advice, but I knew that I could trust that advice, because she had proved herself trustworthy. Friendship takes time to develop. Children need parents, mom and dads, who are not afraid to be parents who will set the rules, give boundaries that expand as we grow, and who guide us and teach us how to make wise decisions. They have plenty of friends, they need parents.
Parenting is time consuming and very draining, but also very rewarding in the end. I count my grown children as friends. We go out for coffee, fellowship, share our lives and dreams, we can vent our frustrations and we grow. It's beautiful, but it didn't happen over night. It took years.
I remember one day when I was almost seventeen, I had a difficult decision to make. I went to my parents and they gave me some guidelines whereby I could make a decision. They told me some things that I might want to take into consideration, and they left me to make my decision. I remember saying before they left my bedroom, "But aren't you going to tell me what to do?" They smiled and said, "No, we trust you."
I pondered for a long time about what I should do. I made my choice, made the phone call, and then told my parents what I had done. Daddy said that he whatever I had done would have been fine. Mama, said, "I think you made a wise choice. What do you say we go out for lunch, and talk about it?" I felt so grown-up, and it was the beginning of a long,loving friendship with my mother. Was it at times rocky? Yes, but aren't true friendships that way, ups and downs? It took a long time for my parents to forge a friendship with their children, because they had to be our parents first.
I fear for this generation. When out shopping last Saturday, I heard a child not more than 7 say to his mom, "Now you go up and buy me that book. It's the one with the stuffed dog with it, and then you can go get your coffee." Her response, "Yes, dear." Her friend said, "Are you going to really do it?"
"Yes," said the weary mother, "if I don't he'll have a temper tantrum, and I can't deal with that."
wif you, mommy." He never threw another tantrum in the store again.
Parenting takes patience and maybe a training course wouldn't hurt either.
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| Me enjoying grandchildren at the Desert Museum in Tucson, Arizona. We were pretending we where the Three Monkeys who heard no evil, spoke no evil, and saw no evil Oh how we laughed that day! Grandchildren are the reward of parenting! |
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