Empty Nester or Home-Maker?
Tomorrow morning we are helping our youngest son move to Denton, Texas where he will be attending UNT. So many people have come to me and saying, "Oh, I feel sorry for you, what will you now that you are an empty nester?" I have received many empty nest comments, and I have pondered what is Empty Nest Syndrome.
The more I think about it, the more I don't like the terminology. It's a false statement on many accounts. Birds build nests to lay the eggs and hatch out the young, and when the young are fledglings, they use their wings to leave the nest and home. They don't return. Some birds will then make another nest elsewhere, and hatch more eggs, and the cycle repeats. Children are not birds, and this is how the analogy fails for me.
In Europe it children commonly stay at their parents' home usually until they marry. We have friends from Germany and England, and they say things are odd in America.
Parents raise their children and give them the values they need in life to stand on their own. Responsible parents give to their children morals, values, and ethics that will last their children all their lives. Long after parents are gone, the teaching the parents gave lives on. Children return home to visit, and sometimes there are cases where the children move in with the parents. My husband and I had to live with my parents when we first moved to Arizona. We lived there while our first home was being built. It was a blessing for us. Sometimes parents move in with the children. We have dear friends who lived with their daughter, and it worked great for both families. They lived independent lives within their daughter's home. Both families were blessed. A parent's home is like a fortress in this life we live; a safe harbor in times of storm. I remember the joy my children had as they visited in their grandparents' homes knowing it was where my husband and I grew up. It was solid. Parents will visit with their children in their homes. It will be different, but natural.
Children will always be in the hearts of parents, and parents will always in the hearts of the children. This is the cycle of life. A bird's nest will be empty. No bird returns to it, and it blows away in the wind. A home will never be empty. Each room holds a memory and place in the heart of those that live there and those that visit there. A doll may sit on a bed, a train on shelf, growth marks still stand on the unpainted dining room wall. All these things say lives lived well in this house. One day my six year old grandson, Ethan, visited us for two days, and one night before bedtime he said, "Oma, I like this house, and when I am all growed up I want a house like this house." We live in a simple mobile home, so it isn't the house he loves. It's the love in the house. It's the joy and memories he has for us who live in this house. I know, because my dear Grandmother O'Harra, lived in a very small clapboard house that had electricity but no running water. She had a hand pump in the kitchen and that is how she had water, but I loved that house, and I remember saying to her exactly what my grandson said to me, and right at that moment, I had an epiphany, " I have a house like my grandmothers!" It's love that builds a home, a home not a nest. Time, hard work, and love built this home, and this home will last in the hearts of our children long after we are gone.
Will I cry when we leave him in Texas? Well, that's a given, but they won't all be tears of sadness, though I will be sad not see him daily. (I am thankful to God for Skype). I will miss sharing Bible verses with him and the long theological conversations we had will be missed. But I will rejoice also, knowing that he is doing what God has called him to do, so there is no sorrow in that.
Nests keep the young birds safe until they can fly out on their own. The nest is abandoned by the fledglings and by the parent bird. The nest served its purpose. A home builds roots, and the roots grow deep. It can be like a nest in that it provides a safe place, but the home lasts. It takes time for roots to grow. Yes, children leave home, but the home goes with them in their hearts. Parents send their children off, but there will always be part of the child left behind in the heart. A Mom is Mom for the rest of her life. We took care of my mother toward the end of her life. She was 85, and she had broken her hip. I had a monitor in her room so that I could hear her if she awoke in the night. One night I heard her so I went to her room. I helped her to the bathroom, and she then she touched my face the way she did when I was little girl, and said, "You look so tired, Marsha." She was Mommy at that moment. I realized then being a Mom doesn't stop when the children leave home. My Mom went home to Jesus five years later. I still miss her, but she lives in my heart, and in my children, especially I see her in my daughter.
No, I am not an empty-nester, I am a home-maker. Ready to face whatever God sends my way, knowing my job will always be there.
The more I think about it, the more I don't like the terminology. It's a false statement on many accounts. Birds build nests to lay the eggs and hatch out the young, and when the young are fledglings, they use their wings to leave the nest and home. They don't return. Some birds will then make another nest elsewhere, and hatch more eggs, and the cycle repeats. Children are not birds, and this is how the analogy fails for me.
In Europe it children commonly stay at their parents' home usually until they marry. We have friends from Germany and England, and they say things are odd in America.
Parents raise their children and give them the values they need in life to stand on their own. Responsible parents give to their children morals, values, and ethics that will last their children all their lives. Long after parents are gone, the teaching the parents gave lives on. Children return home to visit, and sometimes there are cases where the children move in with the parents. My husband and I had to live with my parents when we first moved to Arizona. We lived there while our first home was being built. It was a blessing for us. Sometimes parents move in with the children. We have dear friends who lived with their daughter, and it worked great for both families. They lived independent lives within their daughter's home. Both families were blessed. A parent's home is like a fortress in this life we live; a safe harbor in times of storm. I remember the joy my children had as they visited in their grandparents' homes knowing it was where my husband and I grew up. It was solid. Parents will visit with their children in their homes. It will be different, but natural.
Children will always be in the hearts of parents, and parents will always in the hearts of the children. This is the cycle of life. A bird's nest will be empty. No bird returns to it, and it blows away in the wind. A home will never be empty. Each room holds a memory and place in the heart of those that live there and those that visit there. A doll may sit on a bed, a train on shelf, growth marks still stand on the unpainted dining room wall. All these things say lives lived well in this house. One day my six year old grandson, Ethan, visited us for two days, and one night before bedtime he said, "Oma, I like this house, and when I am all growed up I want a house like this house." We live in a simple mobile home, so it isn't the house he loves. It's the love in the house. It's the joy and memories he has for us who live in this house. I know, because my dear Grandmother O'Harra, lived in a very small clapboard house that had electricity but no running water. She had a hand pump in the kitchen and that is how she had water, but I loved that house, and I remember saying to her exactly what my grandson said to me, and right at that moment, I had an epiphany, " I have a house like my grandmothers!" It's love that builds a home, a home not a nest. Time, hard work, and love built this home, and this home will last in the hearts of our children long after we are gone.
Will I cry when we leave him in Texas? Well, that's a given, but they won't all be tears of sadness, though I will be sad not see him daily. (I am thankful to God for Skype). I will miss sharing Bible verses with him and the long theological conversations we had will be missed. But I will rejoice also, knowing that he is doing what God has called him to do, so there is no sorrow in that.
Nests keep the young birds safe until they can fly out on their own. The nest is abandoned by the fledglings and by the parent bird. The nest served its purpose. A home builds roots, and the roots grow deep. It can be like a nest in that it provides a safe place, but the home lasts. It takes time for roots to grow. Yes, children leave home, but the home goes with them in their hearts. Parents send their children off, but there will always be part of the child left behind in the heart. A Mom is Mom for the rest of her life. We took care of my mother toward the end of her life. She was 85, and she had broken her hip. I had a monitor in her room so that I could hear her if she awoke in the night. One night I heard her so I went to her room. I helped her to the bathroom, and she then she touched my face the way she did when I was little girl, and said, "You look so tired, Marsha." She was Mommy at that moment. I realized then being a Mom doesn't stop when the children leave home. My Mom went home to Jesus five years later. I still miss her, but she lives in my heart, and in my children, especially I see her in my daughter.
No, I am not an empty-nester, I am a home-maker. Ready to face whatever God sends my way, knowing my job will always be there.
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